Now we will always remember my stepfather’s funeral for the wrong reason. Thank you very much!

http://www.morgenpost.de/politik/article1909001/Joachim-Gauck-soll-Bundespraesident-werden.html

It’s half past ten in the evening and I feel like 3 in the night.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.

Albert Einstein
US (German-born) physicist (1879 – 1955)

This is one of my favourite quotations ( I think I posted it before), because it will always be true. Today was one of these days where it happend again and again. So I had my personal Groundhog Day, like in that movie.

Imagine the following:

Your sister will join the funeral of your mom’s husband to do her a favour. But she refuses to sit with her family because she doesn’t feel close to her family. I don’t feel very close to her either but would never have an idea like that.

I think this is ridiculous.

Migraine’s back again. It’s going to be a tough night.

I JUST WANT TO FEEL NOTHING!

Sniffing and coughing.

Okay, this quotation is a little too strong for the incident, but intensifying circumstances with strong pictures helps to understand.

When my mom had to check in to the hospital, I decided to take her car with me. We have only one car, because ususally we don’t need to drive a lot. But in that exact week, we, I mean my husband and me, both had holidays. So having two cars would make it much easier for me to drive around between home, hospital, my mom’s appartement and the special care home where my stepfather was.

Now you have to know that we live in a condo. And the condo is in a house with a lot of other condos. Sensing upcoming discord, I informed our advisor board why there is another unknown car parking on the visitors parking lot.

I was so right to do so! Whispering started, an investigation was claimed, emails were sent to the property management with the question to whom the mysterious car might belong.

This morning the chief investigator, who had started the emails, saw us at the car. Instead of asking us, he sent another email to the property management and advisor. Now we await our punishment. The advisor hasn’t decided yet wether he issues a caution or locks off the warm water for three days. This of course was his humorous answer on the whole thing.

Now you might get an idea of where German efficiency comes from!

Later, as I sat beside his bed, I heard goats and a cock crow from a meadow near the house. A loud proof of life. A very strange moment.

It showed quite plainly that you can’t separate death from life. It’s one. That’s what I understood.

It was a very long day full of tears and pain, compassion and love, new ways and new chances. I am very tired but also full of peace.

Ends on one side, beginnings on the other side. Me, inbetween, trying to keep the balance in my own life. Weired. I feel weak and strong at the same time.